


Memories

by PendragonQueen09



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Origin Story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 13:50:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14166258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PendragonQueen09/pseuds/PendragonQueen09
Summary: Deceit is a character, biggest pet peeve is making him a villain with no backstory pff.  I mean you do you but with me he's always gonna have some kind of reason that he is the way he is.  Yes, he is a terrible person.  No, that doesn't mean he has no motives.Anyway, this story is kinda meant to be an explanation!  That is all haha.





	1. A Strange Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Since Tumblr doesn't let me update with full chapters, I decided to put my dumb little writings on here instead haha!   
> The first chapter is super wonky and awkward to read for this one, but I promise it gets better? I don't know why the first didn't flow, tried to edit it, it didn't work. Just take it for what it is pff.

Something was off.

Thomas was certain it was Virgil making him feel this way. Vague and confusing, like he was forgetting something. The side refused to speak with him about it, however. He kept his distance during videos, plaguing Thomas in his regular life about things he was forgetting.

Forgetting.

Forgetting.

All since Deceit had shown his face. 

Patton was in charge of his memories, his keepsakes. Thomas couldn’t help but feel that Virgil’s own unease related to Patton in some way. If it was something he was forgetting that was bothering Virgil, it was something Patton was meant to keep track of. Something that Virgil wanted him to find…? Or…

Something he didn’t.

He shook his head lightly. It… might be best to just talk to Patton. He’d already tried with Virgil, but anything concerning himself he would brush off.

It made him realize just how little he knew about his own personality.

“Patton?” He posed the question to the air, and Patton rose up with a bright smile on his face. He looked around curiously at the lack of the other sides before speaking himself.

“What’s up, kiddo? Something on your mind?”

“Uh… yeah, actually. A lot of somethings. But mainly one that I think you can help me with?” He peered up with his head down, scratching at his arm nervously. He needed to be careful or Virgil might show up soon. He had a feeling the other wouldn’t much care for him asking about him.

“What do you need?” A tilt of his head.

“I wanna go to your room, if possible? It helps bring back that familiar feeling of nostalgia, but that’s not what I’m looking for. Do you have anything else in there? You’re at the center of a lot of my feelings. My memories. Happy, and… sad? But I’ve never seen the sad ones. Is that… still something you’re in charge of?” His shoulders hunched hopefully as Patton’s face darkened slightly.

“Kiddo, you… You don’t really want to see that stuff, do you?” Patton let out a chuckle, forcing another smile before it dropped, speaking in a whisper. “I… I don’t even want to see that stuff. Are you sure…?”

Thomas thought for a moment, considering carefully as his brows furrowed. “Completely. I think I need to find something. I just… don’t know what it is.”

Patton uncertainly followed as Thomas fell to his room. He would fully prefer for no one to ever see it, but… he wasn’t capable of arguing with Thomas when none of the others were there. He could only guess at who was even the cause, but considering it was a type of curiosity, he could only think of one.

Thomas blinked as he rose. The room was a sad mix of indigo and cyan, all tinted with shades of blue. His eyes immediately welled with tears which he raised his hands to catch. He didn’t feel sad. Only… empty. Like all of the happiness had been stolen from him long ago, and crying wasn’t possible anymore, despite the fact that his eyes filled so completely that he couldn’t see, no matter how much he tried to wipe away.

When he was finally able to clear some of the blur, he saw Patton with a thin-lipped smile staring at him. “Sorry. It can be a little overwhelming at first.” The side glanced around, facial expressions pained as he picked up a few items Thomas barely recognized, setting them up in odd displays before tearing them down again. “Wow, I should have really tidied up. It’s hard to make this stuff look… pretty. I guess you can consider this my closet. It’s not really things I want to share with others.” He smiled brightly, despite the pain and slight glistening of tears in his eyes. “That rainbow flag in my regular room was in here for quite a long time, you know.”

Thomas couldn’t help a smile at that. “If I can move an item from one room to another, then that’s not such a bad sign, right?”

“It’s not that easy. I wish it were.” Patton sighed. “I would make every memory a good one if I could. But you can’t just… change your feelings about something like that. I can’t change that,” he whispered before turning to Thomas again, dropping his arms full of items and putting his hands on his hips. “Sorry, I never really feel like… myself, here! I’m such a gloomy little downer, haha. What were you looking for?”

“I don’t know exactly. Can I just look around?”

Patton’s smile faded uncertainly. “Thomas… the sooner you find what you’re looking for, the better. It’s not good to wallow in misery for a long period of time. But… I’m sure you already know that. Explore to your heart’s content. Although… your heart really doesn’t want to be here.” He grinned again at the weak joke, sitting down amongst a pile of rejected auditions Thomas remembered clearly and toys he had broken or lost, showing their fully rusted and fragile appearances only to the two there.

Thomas glanced emptily at the memories. He remembered all of them. He could recall Logan’s curiosity over the telescope broken in the corner, Roman’s crushed appearance at the auditions, and Patton’s confusion over the Valentines he had never sent. ‘why are you trying to send a valentine to brittany? i don’t like her. kevin’s kinda cute though.’

Somehow, he couldn’t tie any of them to Virgil.

He frowned.

That didn’t make sense. Virgil was the one he would most pin to his ‘bad’ memories. The one he would expect to have wracked up quite a score in here.

Come to think of it, when did Virgil even appear?

He glanced over the items he had already looked at again. A few flickered into darker shades of blue for seconds, but he rubbed his eyes and it was gone.

“Hey Patton?”

“Hm?” The side seemed exhausted, like speaking alone was difficult for him.

“Where are my memories of Virgil? I have to have a few bad memories of him, bad keepsakes. I mean, he’s definitely helpful, but… he’s still my anxiety. And I have bad memories of you three… Patton?” Thomas turned to view Patton, whose expression had managed to turn even darker as he stared at the ground with an open mouth, as if trying to figure something out.

His eyes alone suddenly jumped up to meet Thomas’ gaze, speaking with a soft voice that was uncharacteristically un-Patton like. “You don’t actually… have any purely bad memories with Virgil.” Thomas felt a hint of discomfort in Patton’s voice. “He makes you expect the worst, but it always turns out better than he had made it seem. He’s better than any of us.”“Then why…” Thomas picked up a small shard of glass that had been sitting on the floor lightly, turning it around and around in his fingers. It was mostly white, with a single dark blue stripe running across the curved glass.

It sparked no memories.

He turned his gaze inquisitively back to Patton, whose face had gone pale as he’d moved to his knees to stare at the glass. His mouth was tightly closed, and his eyes flickered to Thomas’ and back as if asking for permission for something. Thomas also looked back to the glass, and when he looked back…

Patton was gone.

He was in… an old house. Golden and brown filled his vision. This was where he grew up with his family. The glass was still in his fingers, and he spun around, hearing shattering beneath his feet as he did so. He looked down, noticing his feet seemed too small as they landed on more of the glass that he held in his hand. He quickly jumped off, letting out a yell that was far too high-pitched to be his own.

He heard stomping down the stairs and his eyes filled with tears. She’d warned him not to play with his ball in the house, but he did anyway-

But why would he do that? This was a memory, right? It had to be. Thomas wasn’t a child, he wasn’t-

His clumsy fingers slipped around the glass that was now too large and he cut himself, dropping the glass as he cried out. His dog came bounding from under the table and sniffed his leg as if to make sure he were alright just as his mother rounded the corner.

“What happened? I heard a crash.” She looked at the remnants of her favorite vase and flowers on the floor, a wet mess under Thomas’ feet as she gave him a disapproving glare.

“I-it wasn’t me! T-the dog bumped the t-table and I tried to clean it up-“ The tears made this much more convincing. “But the g-glass cut me and I dropped it again!” He managed to bubble out the lie, tears streaming freely down his face as his mother’s face melted into concern.

“Oh, Thomas, you could have just called me! I would have taken care of it!” She picked Thomas up, and he had to guess he was around 3 years old. He didn’t have any memories this early in Patton’s room… “Bad dog!” She said, swatting the dog’s nose. “Come on, let’s get this cleaned up! And then I’ll kiss the boo boo all better! How does that sound?”

Thomas let out a small affirming “Mhm,” and as she carried him away he saw a small child that looked like him standing where he stood. They wore all black, and half of their face was scary, like the snake in his picture book. They spoke with his voice as he watched them, and he couldn’t help but be a little angry at them for being so similar to him. Wasn’t he supposed to be unique? He thought he saw the flicker of another figure, but it might have just been his imagination.

“I hate you. We’re gonna be terrible friends, right Thomas?” The monster let out an evil little laugh, and Thomas whimpered into his mother’s shoulder as he shook, wishing the nightmare to never return again.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m the best! I’m the best!” The child fell from his tower of toys and let out a cry. He immediately rose, smile still on his face as he picked up his action figure and stared into its eyes. “You’re not like me. I’m really cool. You’re a little cool. You can shoot things. That’s really cool. I wish I could shoot things.” He rose, figure still in hand as he formed a gun with the other, pointing it at random objects in the room and pretending they were villains. 

“Pshew! Pshew! I’ll help everyone! I’ll be a good hero! Better than you!” He directed the last sentence at the figure, pointing his hand at it’s head before brushing it over. “Don’t worry! Hurting good people is bad. I won’t hurt you!” He raised his hand-gun to point at another toy and his vision flickered. The one he was holding dropped as he fell back in surprise at the child in a red tied-on cape and white outfit who had seemed to have just risen from the ground, looking around in confusion.

As it saw him, it waved cheerily. “Hello!” This seemed familiar. Extraordinarily familiar. He knew this person. This was… His name was… “I’m your Creativity!” That was it. There was something in the child that felt this was wrong, that wasn’t what he should call him.

“Hi, Your Cree-ah…creee…!”

“No, no, no. I’m Creativity! I’m a part of you!”

“…Creahtivihtae?”

“Creativity.”

“Creetivee.”“Close enough. It’s nice to meet you Thomas! We’ve been waiting for a while. I’m glad you summoned me first! Even though you tried to summon the others a few times… You almost brought me up a month ago, but alas,” Creetivee frowned a bit, posing dramatically. “You were a bit distracted by the snake.”

“Snek? Oh! Snake! The monster?”

“Yes, yes! See, I’m happy someone agrees with me! Logic is always going on and on.”“Loji?” These were a lot of names. Maybe new. It was too much to remember. But hadn’t he known them all his life…?

“Yes! He says, ‘Deceit is a part of Thomas’ personality just like the rest of us. He only wants to help. Cut him some slack.’ And Morality agrees with him! Can you believe that?! It’s obvious snackerollos.” Thomas giggled at the word. “You sound funny.”

“I am a prince! I will take no such discrimination!”

“Prince? A real one?!” Thomas’ eyes grew wide. “You protect princesses and stuff?”

“Well… it’s not my preference, but yes.” Before the child could ask another question, Creetivee interrupted him. “Goodness, Logic, can you calm down for two seconds? It’s my time to shine!” He posed again. Thomas had the feeling he did that a lot.“Why didn’t Loji show up?”

“I didn’t want him to scare you. He agreed he might not be the best immediate presence, especially since Deceit already appeared before all of us.”

“I’ve seen you! Does that mean I get to see Loji and Meraltee soon too?”

“Of course! Next time you feel anything relating to them. And Deceit, so be careful.” Creetivee leaned in close, glancing around suspiciously. “He’s very nice, but he is also a big liar! He’ll never tell you the truth!” Something in Thomas’ mind told him not to point out the obvious flaw in Creetivee’s first statement.

“Well then, I shall be off to my room! It’s a place in your mind, filled with your dreams and fantasies!” He winked. “Maybe I’ll take you some day!”

“You can do that?!”

“Of course! I think. Probably. Anyway, toodleloo!” The person bowed, and sank into the ground again, leaving Thomas once again alone with his thoughts. He sat amongst his toys, reaching for the action figure and staring into its eyes once again. They glistened black. 

“…Deceit.”

“…Thomas…?”

The child let out a scream at the voice, diving into his pile of toys to hide.

“T-Thomas! You need to hide! I mean- shoot, I can always say what I want so clearly. I love this you know.” A groan was heard, and Thomas peered from under his blanket of pain to see the snake-child burying his face in his hands.

“How do you express you opinion when you can only speak in truth? Aha! That’s not it! Through answers! …Questions? Through questions. See, I meant to say questions, but instead I say answers..!” He looked at Thomas’ burial site. “This can’t be confusing at all for you, can it?”

“D-Deceit.”

“That is not my name! Be sure to wear it out!” He glared at the ground in frustration.

From his place under the toys, Thomas finally got a good look at the other. What he had assumed was all black before actually looked like a royal outfit rimmed with gold. It was even more fancy than Creetivee’s outfit was, with a black cape and gold lace on the bottom. The cape was held up with a snake twirling in on itself in the form of a pin, matching the left side of the other’s head, which had scales and fangs in his mouth, as well as a gold eye. Thomas felt there was something strange about that, as if that wasn’t what he knew. Was there supposed to be something else on his that side of his head…? He shook it off.

“Your face is scary.”

“Okay, well I’m sorry.”“…Was that genuine?”

“Of course it was, smarty!”

“You’re confusing me…”

“That’s not okay! I don’t confuse anyone!”

Thomas tilted his head at the other as he crawled out from under the toys. “So… you’re a part of me too? Like Creetivee?”

“Creetivee…? Creativity? Well, I would definitely compare us, and I’m not a part of you.”“You’re not? Then what are you?”

“I mean… I’m not.”

“Oooooh.” Thomas felt like he needed a lie translator to talk. “Why do I have you?”

“Well… I don’t want to help you. It’s safe to tell the truth all the time. What if your mom doesn’t find out that you broke her favorite vase? Or times in the future, like if you don’t want to eat the candy bar on the table? And of course, we can’t progress past that.”

“A candy bar on the table does sound yummy. But mommy always tells me to tell her the truth anyway…” 

“That’s not a lie. She doesn’t have any Deceit in her, either. She doesn’t lie to anyone, especially not you.”

Thomas frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe it’s something you would understand. I know.” He sighed in defeat before looking up, peering through his hair at Thomas. “So why didn’t you call me in the first place?”

“Call?”

“No. You didn’t call my name, remember?”

“Oh. I just got done talking to Creetivee. He mentioned you, and I had to-““He didn’t? What didn’t he say?”

“Can you stop that?”“Start what?”

“Stop that way of talking! It’s really hard to understand you.”

“I could.”

“…Could you? Or is that another lie?” Thomas looked at him uncertainly again.“It’s not.” Deceit glared at Thomas as he still didn’t get the picture.

“Tell me something that’s the truth.”“I CAN. I know HOW to. Why aren’t you doing this?! Is the only thing I can do that you can understand asking questions?” His tension from yelling melted away. “Do you just not want me to ask questions all the time? Should I just never say anything?” 

“I… I don’t know.”

“Then why not say you do? Don’t you think it would hurt others if you lied to them?” He shook his head. “I don’t want to help you. And I know I didn’t scare you when I first appeared. It’s not like Morality has been shivering at my appearance since…” He let out a dark chuckle. “Not sorry, you don’t want me to talk in questions, right? It’ll probably be easy. I won’t even try.” He gave Thomas a pained look. “I don’t exhaust myself either. Anyway, I shouldn’t make myself scarce. You obviously have a real purpose for me here, and I need to stay to fulfill it. Hello! I’ll see you in the past!” He winced, and when Thomas blinked, he was gone.

A heavy sigh fell from his throat and he dropped to his knees on the ground. There was a feeling of… wrongness, in his chest. Did he know Deceit? He did. Deceit was his friend. His enemy…? He was a part of him. But he didn’t want him to be… He said he’d help him. But in the future, did that remain true? It felt like two sets of thoughts were swirling around in his head, and both were his.

The child sighed, grabbing at a stuffed animal and crawling to bed. His head hurt. Maybe it was all of the personalities up there. Maybe it was something else.

On the bright side, maybe the snake child wasn’t as bad as he thought. He only wanted to help, right…? Creetivee didn’t agree, but the other two did…? That’s… three out of four people in his head who all agreed on the same thing. If everyone agreed on something, it had to be right! He buried his head in his pillows, a small voice inside still telling him that was wrong, but he ignored it. It must just be Creetivee. He frowned. Creetivee shouldn’t judge people based on their appearance. 

He drifted, almost blissfully to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a comment! And maybe follow my Tumblr if you want? I'm better at arting than I am at writing haha- pendragonqueen09.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

The child opened his eyes slowly against the light. He shook his head softly, wincing at a mild headache as a few tears welled into his eyes.

“Why does my head hurt so much…? Owowow…”

“Ah, that would be us. My apologies.

”Thomas sat up softly on his bed to see another one of what he assumed were his personalities rising up in front of him. This one had a notepad and glasses that drooped down his face slightly, wearing a bow-tie on a striped shirt with his hair greased back.

“Hello. I am Logic. Thank goodness I can finally meet you. Creativity has been adamant that either he or Morality meet you first.” He pulled the pad up, writing something down as he spoke. “I believe he told you that I agreed, however that would be a lie. Despite his ostensible hatred of Deceit, he actually listens to him more often than any of us. It’s peculiar.” He put the notepad down, clicking his pen thoughtfully as he stared at the ceiling.

“I feel… inferior.” Thomas said, trying a big word of his own. Loji looked back at him almost in surprise.

“Inferior? Of what? Have I done something? May I remind you, feelings are not my strong suit. You will have to talk with Morality about that.” He pulled the notepad back up, scribbling something down again.

“Meraltee? What is that?”

“Morality is your sense of right and wrong. Compare him to Aristotle, but a version of Aristotle who also loves puns,” Loji made a face of discomfort. “He helps you to decide what the correct thing to do in each situation is, based on your… feelings. I would consider myself to be superior, however. I am your curiosity and logic, and I am capable of weighing the facts to give you an answer that makes sense. Just remember, Thomas; I am always right.” He adjusted his bow-tie. “However, the others are also important facets of your personality. I only consider myself the most important.”

Thomas tilted his head at him. This was a part of himself that could answer any questions he had. Even despite the sun only just beginning to rise outside, he had a lot. “Why was I only able to see the liar when I wanted to?”

“He’s the only one whose name you’ve said right. The rest of us aren’t able to hear you unless you say it correctly.”

“Is that because of you?”

“Well, obviously. If you cannot say our names, you have no true need to talk to us. We’ll appear to you when you truly want us near, regardless.”

“Can you help me say your names?”

“Hm. Perhaps. I am Logic. Try it.”

“Lllllooooji.”

“No. Logic.”

“Lojuk?”

“Closer. Logic.”

“Logic.” Thomas jumped as he said it right, a smile spreading on his face.

“Good.”

“I’m gonna call you Loji unless I want to talk to you.”

“Of course. You struggle far too much anyway. I would rather you assign me such a name than force yourself to stutter it out correctly every time. Now, the next-“

“Meraltee!”

“If that’s what you’d prefer?” Loji tilted his head at Thomas dubiously, not really wanting to help him with this one.

“Yeah! He’s the only one I haven’t met yet, right?” Thomas’ legs dangled off his bed excitedly at the prospect of meeting the final aspect of his personality.

“Not exactly, but… you are correct in that you haven’t met him yet. You haven’t had the chance. Now repeat- ‘Morality’.”

“Moralltee.”

“Morality.”

“M-Morality?”

“Hello kiddo!” Thomas nearly fell off of his bed at the loud voice that suddenly rose up from behind him. He whipped his head around to who he assumed was Morality, the child wore a blue polo and khakis, had his legs crossed, and was waving excitedly despite being less than two feet away. “It’s so nice to meet you I’m so excited I’ve been waiting for so l o n g -“ Thomas was pulled into a crushing hug and he couldn’t help but cough.

“Oops! Sorry! Some people say I have a suffocating personality.” Loji groaned from his place in front of Thomas as he started to once again write something in his notes.

“Anyway, yes, Thomas, this is your Morality. He is in charge of any emotions or feelings you may have. During particular strong feelings he may appear to you in an attempt to get them ‘sorted out.’ In these cases, it would be best to call the others forth, myself included, as it is unlikely that you, hindered by these emotions, will be able to take care of him on your own. Not even I am capable of that. Now then,” Loji extended his hand to Thomas. “It has been satisfactory to finally meet you. I expect this won’t be the first encounter we experience. At this point I will leave you to your emotions. I certainly would rather not deal with him.” He gave a pained look behind Thomas as they shook their hands before sinking down and leaving the two alone.

“I still have so many questions though…”

“You can ask me!” Thomas turned on his bed to the figure that had finally just stopped hugging him, and was now sitting back excitedly, making the bed bounce softly. 

“Okay… quick test then, where do babies come from?”

The personality raised a finger proudly, closing his eyes with a smile. “Storks! That’s an easy one!”

“Wow… you do know everything.”

“Of course I do, kiddo! Who would I be if I didn’t?”

“Umm… my feelings? Also, why do you keep calling me kiddo? You’re a kid too.”

“It’s always been my dream to be a dad!” Meraltee opened his eyes excitedly. 

“But… you’ve been alive for less time than me.”

“And for all of that time, I’ve dreamt of being a dad!”

“Hmm… I guess that does make sense!” His excitement was infectious. “I think it’d be cool to be a dad! I could do it.”

“Of course you could! I mean, you’ve met most of us already, and we aren’t a bad bunch so far, right??”

“…Most?”

“Yeah! There’s more of us! Don’t ask me who they are, I won’t know until you start showing traces of them. I think Logic’s the only one who knows. And only because he’s narrowed it down enough. None of us have ever met them! And we won’t, until you start showing traits of them! I can’t wait to meet them though!” Meraltee picked up a pillow, nuzzling his face into it and speaking through a muffled voice. “I’m so excited to meet more friends!”

“How many more?”

“Hmm… hard to say. Probably around four though. Maybe a couple less. That’s just a hunch. You’d have to ask Logic for more information, and I doubt he’d tell you unless he thinks it’s useful to know. More likely he’ll just give you a spiel about how ‘you’ll meet them in due time’. That’s what he does to me, haha.” His smile felt a bit emptier than before for a moment, but it was quickly gone, and it left Thomas wondering if he’d even seen it in the first place. “Now you should go downstairs! I think your mom cooked you something yummy! I’ll see you later!” He waved and sunk down through the bed happily as Thomas sniffed the air. There was a faint hint of french toast and he smiled, jumping off of his bed and running downstairs as he licked his lips.

His chest filled with something strange, and he had to slow on his way down the steps to clutch at it softly. He could put a name to it until he reached the kitchen and saw his mom cooking him a big breakfast.

The feeling of love.

He felt like his insides were going to burst if he didn’t tell her right this instant what he was feeling. He stood uncertainly in the doorway until she noticed him as she put down a pan of sausage and smiled at him. “Breakfast is ready!”

He ran forward to her, hugging her legs tightly and almost crying as he blubbered out that he loved her, and though she was surprised, she patted his head and told him she loved him too.

Could anybody have such an amazing mom?

‘No,’ his logical part answered bluntly after a few calculations, and Thomas believed it completely as he finally unhooked himself and made his way to his seat with his plate already made.

He wondered what the future had in store as he chewed on a tough piece of bacon. A small, nagging part of him said that he already knew. This was… ‘deja vu,’ right? That must be it. The feeling that you’d already gone through this all before, but couldn’t put a name to where or how. That must have been information that Loji had saved for him. It was very helpful.

Somehow, that didn’t feel quite right.

The child began picking at his food quietly. What was this… maybe it was another of his aspects. No. That wasn’t it. He didn’t know how he knew, but he knew that that wasn't it. Maybe… if it were, then Meraltee would have met them, right? But he hadn’t. So it couldn’t be another aspect.

But if not, then what…? He would ask the others later.

For now… Thomas would simply enjoy this presence with his mother.


End file.
